Estranged

I love naps.
I love taking them all the time.
On most weekends I almost always take an afternoon nap. Sleeping is a hobby of mine. However when taking naps during the work week, which I've had a bad habit of lately, it prevents me from sleeping at night and then I find myself tossing and turning and eventually blogging.

As I've been saying for a month work is insane- I cannot express this enough. However this week has been challenging for me in my personal life-  while I blog about the happy things in my life (and believe me there are plenty) I steer clear of the sticky, uncomfortable and skeletons in my families closet. Which by the way, EVERY family has! I would like to believe that there are still private things in my and my family's life that should remain private. However I created this blog for me, to share my feelings, thoughts, and emotions so when something strikes me I don't feel that I should have to hold back. I was torn to write this because I feel as if the person it's about probably doesn't deserve me writing about it but I feel like it needs to be said. So here goes.

es·tranged  

/iˈstrānjd/

Adjective (of a person) No longer close or affectionate to someone; alienated. This description is the perfect one word that summarizes my father and I's relationship. That is- it doesn't exist.  The whole story probably started long before I knew it did however the actual falling out was years in the making and started when I was a teenager. While my story of events and his probably differ one thing remains the same; we don't have a relationship. In all honestly I don't feel like I missed out on anything. My mom was more then enough for me growing up- she took me to all lessons and practices,helped with homework, taught me how to drive, and how to be a contributing member of society. If I do say so myself, I think she did a fantastic job. She is the strongest person I know and it probably wasn't till I heard the whole story and was an adult that I really realized all she went thru.  However this week I discover that my father remarried- which shouldn't bother me right? But it did. A lot. More then I originally let on to myself. Maybe it's because he married someone who is only 5 years older then me (gross), or maybe it's because its official to me that he moved on from me and my mom. We are his past life- a life I'm sure he wishes would go away. As previously mentioned, I'm an only child. So unless my dad has some children roaming around I don't know about it (which probably wouldn't surprise me) I'm his only blood and flesh. My biggest frustration of him is this; regardless of how he feels toward my mother, which I don't support, you would THINK he would want to have a relationship with his only kid. I used to think that one day he would grow a pair and would attempt to reconnect but when I really think about it I know I'm better off without. I've grown up, I don't need him, and he is/will miss out on so much its a shame. Ashley probably had the best advise- I have so many amazing people in my life who support and love me. Those are my family- maybe not always blood but they are the ones that stand by my side when I needed them- those are the ones whom I love and respect.  “Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be.”  ― C. JoyBell C.