Monday, May 20, 2013
Struggles.
I believe we all have our struggles- I think sometimes what I think is a struggle is a bad day or week which in time passes.
However my biggest struggle,which I've been dealing with for years, has to be my/our decision on whether or not to have kids. I have joked around for years about never wanting kids- instead I'll be a crazy dog lady. However as I'm getting older, I worry that my current state of thinking will alter in 15 years and at that point it will be too late (sorry I don't want to be a 50+ year old mom). I see plenty of friends who are my age who have multiple children, all of which seem happy. Chris wants kids, he's made that clear however not to the point of trying to sway my thinking. I'm just not sure what type of parent I'd be- I'm impatient and have high expectations, not exactly the type of traits you'd want in a parent. Lately we have been talking about it more and passing around the idea along with marriage. For some reason marriage doesn't terrify me the way children do. I know I'm lucky with Chris and that I will never find anyone who tolerates me and loves me the way he does. Kids on the other hand- that's a crap shoot. Say what you will about nature vs nurture but we all know a few kids who are terrors.
Chris and I have talked about resentment towards each other if we do have kids when it wasn't what I wanted and vise verse- nor do I feel that having kids is a compromise. Neither Chris or I us grew up in 'normal' homes with both parents-I believe that we pull what we learned from our parents and either embrace those traits or alter it depending on how it affected us. With us both missing father figures will that alter our parenting? Occasionally I see kids and think- that's crazy that its like a mini version of you just walking around how amazing! Other times I see kids screaming bloody murder and I think- I'll pass.
This is a struggle that I work thru more often then I let on. I feel embarrassed at times that I don't want to be a mother. I remind myself that I love my fur baby Bailey- however ofcourse that is not the same.
I hope that someday something will just hit me and I'll know the answer but for now I'll keep struggling.
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Hi Jess,
ReplyDeleteI'm visiting from Story of my Life. I just wanted to say that you aren't alone! Thanks for sharing your struggles, and good luck in your decision. :)
Hi Katie,
DeleteThanks for stopping by :)
I wish more people who felt like you owned up to it and didn't have children. There are far too many bad parents out there. And that's not to say you would be a bad parents. We do grow, and we do change; but I think it's important that you know you don't want to be a mother. It's not really a necessity to be happy, and it's not mandatory in marriage; like people used to think. There are a lot of women who frankly don't have those nurturing genes. Sadly, historically they were expected to grin and bear it and their kids suffered as did they. You're only 27, you have plenty of time to make a decision. I was 32 when I had my daughter, and for years hubby and I thought we didn't want any because we were around too many wild kids that were out of control and made the whole prospect seem unpleasant. However, I had done far more babysitting then the average person and knew I was in fact good with kids and babies. We were married 12 years before we had our practical perfect in everyway daughter, lol. After not wanting kids, didn't actually think I could get pregnant, so she was a complete surprised. Don't let society, friends and family alter your thinking. It's a very personal and important decision. But, it sounds like you're not married? I would say if he knows he wants kids, and you know you don't...that's a problem. We were in synch with not wanting them. And in synch again with being happy about it.
ReplyDeleteBlog Every Day in May